If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
is it fun? or sober?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
