You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
