I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
