Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
