well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
