he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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