she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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