I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
