Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
