with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
