the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
