just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize