I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
