So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize