I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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