I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
