Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
