i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
