I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
