Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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