I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize