i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
