my shit smells like andre
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
