Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize