This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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