Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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