you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
