a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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