A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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