Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
