Me too!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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