The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
