i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
