Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
