She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
