i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
