hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I looked at my own cervix.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
