i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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