Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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