I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
