Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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