my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
