If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
