I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
