In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need to align my fucking chakras
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
