and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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