I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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