Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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