no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
