Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
