the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
