Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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