Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
