You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
