I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
