Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
