I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
