after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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