Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had sex on a roof
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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