I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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