Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
