A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
