i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
