he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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