Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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