I accidentally had phone sex last night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
