I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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