Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
