i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
