nut hugger
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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